Family Updates For March

March has been a long, long, and eventful month. I wanted to give short updates on each of us. For all of the prayer warriors, thanks so much for keeping us lifted up. This month I think we all learned and appreciated even more the blessing of great family and friends.  Daily check-ins and meetups where we feel loved and safe to just be "us" is a true treasure, and a lifeline.  

A list of Beautiful Things

• We went to get the oil changed on the van, and when the manager learned of our story, they took care of the bill and gave us their condolences.  
• Last week we had a couple of therapy sessions that were early in the morning. We had to hit the drive through for breakfast twice, at two different spots, and both times the cars in front of us took care of our orders.  
• We were able to get switched to an office for play/art therapy for Ben & Joy. The provider linked up with another colleague to be able to offer her services In-Network. It's closer to us, a better setup for the waiting family members & is now covered by insurance. 
• We started a "Midweek Ministry" at our home on Wednesdays, where we make up bags of snacks and scriptures for the delivery drivers in our neighborhood.
• A Beautiful Friend went to Paris and brought us back some awesome souvenirs. 
• A close family friend came to take the boys for laser tag and some guy time.
• Tee Kan & Unc took the kids for fun times at the park and petting zoo
• The kids enjoyed our homeschool math unit study which included opening up their own savings accounts, learning about interest and investing in stocks.
• Kendall and I got a chance to do another Mommy & Daughter sushi date, talked and had a good time.

Family Updates

*Kendall shared with me and the therapist that she is feeling much more joy lately.  She believes that this is what Dad would want and says she feels the prayers working. That is a HUGE praise report for sure! She loves being with friends, reading and being creative. 

*Benjamin is loving riding his bike, responding well in play/art therapy, and started soccer this week! He said, "I made ALL the friends" and loved having us on the sidelines rooting him on. He also got his first big boy haircut!  Although he's sleeping a little better, he's having nightmares often. From my understanding, this is normal.

*Joy is praying aloud more and is also enjoying solo time with friends.  She is starting to open up more in therapy but is struggling with a lot of anger. She does look forward to kids' grief group.  Daddy was her world. Joy is pressing on in continuing to learn piano. Some days are very tough but I'm grateful for her teacher who is extremely understanding and kind. Joy also loves watching "Bake Squad".

*Max is growing in teen grief group and is talking more and more in individual therapy. He really enjoys Wednesday night youth church. He is missing his dad, ALOT. He and I talk every night via email and share scriptures and struggles trying to keep each other afloat.  He is a great helper around the house and takes frequent trips out to ride his hoverboard to clear his head.  Max is also very close to getting his first belt in Martial Arts, which he really enjoys. 

*It's been a good weekly break for Elijah to continue PE at the local school. Once a week he also sees their school counselor and seems to look forward to speaking with her and bringing home info and tips for the rest of us. This month has really hit Elijah hard, very hard.  Lots of triggers and down days. I'm thankful that he opens up to me, and we can cry together and laugh together as well.  He's still doing well in piano and is close to getting his first belt in Martial Arts.  Elijah enjoys video games and audio books about animals and nature.  

*Amira is continuing to perfect her skill of mimicking everyone in the house. She's very smart and also a little bossy. She is still our little comforting angel, gives many hugs and affectionately replies   " I love you TOO."

*Avielle is doing very well in martial arts; she was even helping to show a few newer kids the moves. She also looks forward to Wednesday night church and kids' grief group.  Avi has a tender heart and is very empathetic to other families in our situation which sometimes can be a hindrance when processing her own grief.  She did enjoy her first individual therapy session, but also struggles with some pinned up anger. 

*I don't have much of an update about myself right now. Other than the fact that I'm grateful to be surrounded by family, friends, counselors, pastors and prayer warriors because I have no words. 

Counting the wins, well trying

I want to start out this post by giving a huge shout out to each and every one of the prayer warriors and our "village." There is not a day that goes by without several people checking on us, calling our names in prayer, and physically showing up to be hands-on to help our family. I am eternally grateful.  This week was crazy, unexpectedly busy, and the support of our community made all the difference.  Playdates, handyman help, meals, and short babysitting stints for overdue self-care.

This week was hellish. I'm not sure exactly why, but it was super busy and unexpectedly so.  Meetings, doctor appointments, hard things paired with the sheer fact that THIS MAKES NO SENSE really created a cyclone of cray cray.   Grief and triggers showed up in new ways. I'm sure that was part of it. Alas, here are some wins:

Joy learned to read music this week! She's only 5, but she is not only teaching herself to read, but she is also learning to read and play notes.

I interviewed a therapist specializing in art/play therapy with toddlers. She sent a proposed plan for Benji & Joy starting next week and I'm relieved to have found her. That search alone took almost every ounce of energy I had. 

We toured the local YMCA to see if the programs would benefit our family.  We got a special tour from the executive director who had a similar story of loss when he was only 11. So, his compassion and understanding for my kiddos was truly appreciated.  

One of our family/community advocates recommended a specialized kids grief group back in December. We were on a wait list and were told we couldn't start until March. We got a call on Thursday that we were moved up and could start that night. Elijah, Avielle, and Joy had an amazing time. It was exactly what they needed. I was glad that something worked.

Kendall, Max, and I are signed up for GriefShare at one of our partner churches which is similar to the kids' group but for adults and teens.  This will be a delicate situation in the fact that, the three of us are empaths. I'm wondering how we will function in a group setting, feeling safe to share but also resisting the compulsion to take on the stories and sadness of others.  

Max, Elijah, Avielle & Joy just joined a local Martial Arts Class at the Homeschool Co-op.  I think it would be great to get out some of that "big energy" that builds up during this season.  The instructor is very skilled and also gave a short bible study in the beginning of class.   This is a double win, because last week I took the girls to try the same class. It was the first time they'd driven past the hospital where we dropped Daddy off when he first felt the pain in his chest. Seeing it again triggered them and they couldn't even participate. They were so shaken up. So this week, we tried again, took the brothers along and it was a success.