August Family Update

 We started off August with our seventeenth wedding anniversary and ended with Elijah's 11th birthday.  As struggly as they both were, and everything in between, we're here.  Now having celebrated several birthdays, holidays and our anniversary, I'm learning that it's not as hard to brace for the big days. (I'll post more about this later) Here are the updates on what's been going on with us for the month of August. The schedules have ramped up and I'm still trying to get into a rhythm.  

We started off the month by hosting our first play date this year. We loved having friends over for a couple hours, it's therapeutic for them and me.

The kids got to do a few community service projects this month including stocking and organizing at the food pantry, Prayer and Produce with Preservation, and started working on a beautification project for New Life Village's rock garden. 

The kids and I did something new on our wedding anniversary and went to the Tampa Bay Buc's stadium for a back-to-school bash. Later,we were hosted for a delicious lunch from some of our oldest friends who are the owners of Tropical Smoothie Cafe. I made it through the day, with my sister in tow, and all of the kind messages truly helped. No matter how busy we tried to stay, a few of the kids didn't do so well.

A good friend who knew Patrick and I before we were us, came to town and I was so happy to be able to hug and talk with her in person. She's in the "club" also, and she and her husband were mentors while we were dating-such a godly couple.  She came all the way from Tallahassee and brought me a homemade carrot cake!

The older boys started basketball at another local YMCA and are truly enjoying it. They're learning and growing a lot for just having started the sport in June.  We switched Benji to Sports Discovery from gymnastics as he seemed to be getting a bit bored. This seems like a better fit. 

We joined our first homeschool co-operative, where homeschool families meet up once a week to teach a couple of subjects at a local church. So, the kids get their first dose of "School" as they have to change classes and turn in homework to someone OTHER than me. It's quite the adjustment for us, but they love it!  We even get to lead the group in morning devotional. The families, some of which have been our friends for about a decade, are so kind and supportive. 

The kids were over the moon when Wednesday night church started back up. Elijah was promoted to sixth grade so there was a special service to help him get acclimated in his progression from children's ministry to student's ministry. There was a worship night kickoff and ice cream social that was truly an impressive affair!

For counseling, we are still seeing two groups: one for the older ones and myself and another for the younger ones.  We added a third cord to the mix for Elijah, and we are hoping it continues to go well. The counselor is compassionate, understanding and can empathize with losing parents.  He also specializes in anger management as all of us are experiencing different levels of anger, I was pleasantly surprised to find a counselor that looks like him and promotes positive mental heatlh for all members of the community.  We will be starting back Kid's Grief Group next month.  

Every day leading up to Elijah's birthday was a STRUGGLE.  His was the first birthday we celebrated in this new chapter, in our new home. So, the arrival of it just solidified that we were celebrating this time around without our person. It seemed surreal.  I'm so grateful to everyone who sent wishes, gifts and showed up for his very last minute get together.  I knew that we had to get out of town, so we took a quick overnight trip, and he had a blast. I'll blog more about this separately. 

Counseling, Coping & Community: 6 Month Update

When people ask how we are doing, there is still no answer for that. Hopefully, the blog posts give a good indication of how we can be all over the place and in the same exact place on any given day. This makes no sense to us, but God is providing grace, love, support, comfort and continually meeting our tangible needs.  For that, we are grateful. Most people tell us to "expect a drop off in support as people will go on about their lives." But I cannot tell you how blessed I am to say that in our case, this isn't true. The support has been unending. 

In addition to our family and our close friends, here is a snapshot of what we have in place to help us along this uncharted and undesirable path.

Extracurricular Activities: (weekly) We are currently transitioning for the summer, but I have enrolled the kids in several creative and athletic outlets to get out their "big energy" and honestly give them something to look forward to.   Christian, Elijah, Avielle and Joy are enjoying and excelling in karate.  Benjamin is in gymnastics. We take Amira to open gymnastics, and she will be doing soccer in the fall.  Kendall starts art class next week and will try volleyball camp this summer.  Christian is still acting, and all of the kids will be participating in Vacation Bible School either as volunteers or participants.  Avielle and Elijah are set for Kid's worship camp where they will learn to sing, write and run the tech for worship service.  Boys are also trying their hand at basketball this summer at the Y.  Since all the kids love the water, swim lessons will be a high priority again this summer. 

Counseling: (Weekly)We currently have two different counseling setups. One is a Christian Counseling Group we've been seeing since the week of the Memorial Service.  I try to get in biweekly myself, and depending on the children and their needs, I will cycle them through on the other appointments.  The oldest four usually rotate in, depending on either their choice or observed behaviors/grief patterns during the week.  They have been very understanding and accommodating and we are grateful that it's close to our home.  In addition, the younger kids see a counselor who specializes in play/art therapy for younger children. I got to interview her via phone a few months back and was instantly impressed with her knowledge and her warmth. Avielle saw her for the first-time last week and told me that her time was helpful. As a backup, I also have a telehealth counseling service should the need arise.

Kid's Grief Group: (Bi-monthly) At the end of May was the last grief group for the kids until August. It was bittersweet as everyone seemed sad to say goodbye, the staff and counselors have been a godsend.  It was a short stint for us, so I think that even my kiddos were struggling as another one of their activities was coming to an end. Grief doesn't seem to take a moment off, so trying to navigate this through these months will be interesting. I'm thankful that they have another family event scheduled for July. It will be great to see everyone again.  Since we homeschool year-round, the "summer off" rhythm that many others seem to follow isn't familiar to us. I'll be back to update on what we find to fill this space, soon.

Church Community: I'm proud to say that we have four churches whose communities are united in serving and undergirding our family during this time.  This is what we call "the Body of Christ, being the Body of Christ", and I'm so honored and grateful for the covering. Some members provide biblical teaching and fellowship for our children. Others provide a safe space for when I am up to attending worship service. They also provide grief education and support for us and our support system.  Some brothers and sisters rotate weekly deliveries of family meals and helps with handyman work and cleaning. Another beautiful group of people check in with us on a daily basis, come by for quick hugs and drop small "thinking of you" gifts.  A few brothers and sisters open their homes as a haven for some solo time for my children saying, "whatever you need, whenever they need a moment-bring them here."  We also have at least five pastor-counselor-friends who check in on us several times a week providing counseling, prayer, and a listening ear.

Prayer Warriors: These are the friends of friends...of friends. The immediate family, non-immediate family. The coworkers of Aunties, the bible study group\members, the mother -in-laws of church members, Patrick's former colleagues, old classmates, online friends, former professors, ministers, pastors, children, music students, cashiers, delivery drivers, etc.  For all of the texts, calls, emails, letters, cards, etc. I can't even...I could never thank you all for continuing to petition the Father on our behalf.