April was a climb. I'm not going to lie. Although there were several small and large victories, I realized this month that I don't have my reinforcement. Raising a family of this size, with the diversity of personalities and giftings was a delicate dance. It became more real to me this month that we're missing the reinforcement. The teamwork of our parenting was a godsend, and very necessary. Accepting that I am apparently supposed to go at this alone, without my person, truly knocked the wind out of me this month. As always, I am truly grateful for each of the prayer warriors. Knowing that you're there, lifting us up to the Father is a treasure and a comfort to our souls. Know that the kids are praying for y'all as well.
A List of Beautiful Things
- I got a chance to finish up this round of Mommy Dates with Elijah, Avielle, and Joy. We enjoyed our one-on-one time together.
- A few nights a week, we added the Compliment Circle to our bedtime prayer routine. Each of the kids go around and share what they love, admire or appreciate about their sibling. It is a beautiful time of reflection and takes the edge off of struggle nights.
- We got a chance to have one of our counseling sessions at a new location this month. It was situated on a beautiful property with porch swings, horses, and space to relax while the others were in session.
- The YMCA Splash pad and pool has been a great way for us to unwind on the weekends, all of the kids had a blast in the water!
- We had a fun time celebrating Joy and my sister Kandace's birthdays, they are only 4 days apart.
- For Easter we celebrated by attending our first outing of the year at New Life Village. Then, we headed to Lutz for easter egg hunts and pony rides and ended with two church services on Easter Sunday.
- We implemented a new activity to help our "Struggly Sundays". We now call them "Sundae Sundays" and we visit a local ice cream shop in honor of our person. We've always enjoyed laughs and ice cream with family and friends.
- Most of the kids will be performing in a music recital later in May at our church.
Joy is really making strides. She turned six this month, is now able to read family devotionals! She has been standing in worship more and even waking up singing. She also graduated to Book B in Piano, and is excited to continue to learn. Seeing genuine excitement on her face was beautiful and refreshing. One area that has been hardest for her is learning karate. She is often shy and in this season, more sensitive to quick action and loud noise. But, she pushed through an entire class and was rewarded by earning a stripe on her white belt for a job well done. She was so proud of herself, and so was the entire class.
Avielle has had a very hard month with her grief. I am watching her process through it and doing everything I can to help. So far, looking at pictures, using her new noise machine at bedtime and baths are helpful. She is enjoying kids grief group and also her time with the therapist. We all were so proud of her when she became a Yellow Belt in karate. She is having an excellent time learning and helping to teach the younger kids in her class. Avi looks forward to worship on Wednesday Nights and time on the tree swing in the front yard. I am thankful for those who call and FaceTime her, the support gets her through.
Benjamin is such a sweet kid. He loves soccer and we've all been excited to be there to cheer him on. The season will end this week and we're looking forward to celebrating him and his lil' teammates as they receive their medals. Ben also loves the park, playdates with friends, and Wednesday worship. Although the night terrors have seemed to subside, he is still really having issues getting to sleep in spite of our routine. This past weekend , he and I started reciting "Jesus loves me and is always with me", when he gets afraid at night. It helps some, but this part is hard for me. During prayer time he often asks God to bring his daddy back, "Because he was the best and my favorite."
Elijah is really enjoying and excelling in Karate, we will be signing him up for the summer. He and Max earned their orange belts this month and we were so proud! Elijah is also loving the grief group and learning with his friends at Wednesday Worship. He's been having a better month regarding his grief and is communicating more. Looking at photos, telling stories, and planning to do things "like Dad" helps him to process. Eli plays his tablet and uses his legos in his free time and is a great cook. He also has an A average in his schoolwork.
Christian is also really enjoying and excelling in Karate, he is often used to help demonstrate with the instructor. He is a great help around the house and enjoys putting things together, including furniture. In his free time Max's been enjoying football games on the tablet, helping with the plants, and hanging with friends. He even volunteered for the dunk tank at Wednesday Night Church. He's mostly private with his grieving process but opens up at grief group, with the therapist and in our nightly emails. Max excels in his schoolwork, especially Math and Reading and has an A average.
Amira is getting big and has a vast vocabulary. She's an excellent little helper and loves following her big brother Benji around. She loves going out to the tree swing and trying on everyone's shoes. Amira loves the band, For King & Country, and sings along to all of their songs.
Kendall has been coming in clutch as the babysitter for short errands. She's also been helping prepare dinner, and so far, her red beans & rice with shrimp has been a family hit! Kendall is an A student and is excelling in her studies especially Math and Science. She enjoys Youth Group, lunch with friends and even got an opportunity to volunteer with the toddlers at church on Easter. Kendall is looking forward to playing soccer in the fall. She is such a beautiful young lady and a great artist. She is always finding the light and sharing fun stories about her Dad.
Me: Last fall, I started my journey as a Notary Public. This month, I was able to meet with and receive training from an industry professional. It was good to learn something new and it brought me joy. It was refreshing. I did many, many hard things this month, including attending a class specifically for loss of spouses. I have felt physical pain this month due to the separation of the team of us,"Pat N' Keisha". It has been brutal. BRUTAL.
