"Big Jump, Mommy!"

     As I sat out on the deck on our first family vacation since 2019, I stood up and looked out over the marina admiring the boats and the beautiful water. It was Father's Day, and I was missing my person immensely. Mostly because I knew how much he would’ve loved this spot. It was a new adventure and finding relaxing accommodations for our family’s size and standard was quite the chore. So, we were usually slow to try new places.  Sitting there in a daze, I knew baby Amira was close by. She is usually in my pocket.  She was jumping up and down watching her reflection in the paned patio door. One of the times she jumped so high it surprised me! " Wow, do it again! ", I nudged.  Amira proudly jumped again. She then turned to me and asked, "And again?" "Yes", I said with a smile. 

     After about a half dozen jumps Amira looked at me with a big smile, "Mommy, jump! Big jump, Mommy!" But I didn’t want to jump. I don’t want to jump. Big jumps, little jumps- I don’t want to.  Jumping is laborious and seemingly unbecoming of a mom- of -many in her late thirties. It's awkward. But my sweet therapy baby wanted me to join in her moment of wonder. Of course, I started to cry. Making the decision of whether to jump or let her down added to the emotional overwhelm that was already so heavy in that moment. Like she usually does, Amira came over, lifted my head with her tiny hand and said, " It’s OK Mommy." So, I mustered all of the strength I had, and I jumped.  I’m sure that’s going to have some poetic and prophetic meaning at some point in the future, that’s why I’m putting it here. But I don’t feel it right now. I’m just here... not wanting to jump. 

Out of the Mouths of Babes-Bedtime Prayers

Bedtime prayer has gotten better. I hesitate to even acknowledge it because honestly, I'm fearful of regression. In this situation, I don't even know if progress is sensible or attainable.  Today, instead of posting a million emojis to sum up our day, I'm going to post some of the most beautifully candid things that have come from the mouths of these little ones during this time. 

"Lord, I know You don't make mistakes, but this feels like your very first one"

"God, please show us You love us, because this doesn't feel like love"

"God we just need our Daddy back so he can play football with Me and Mister. Brother Jerry, and Mrs. Lois"

"God, please give Dad a Big hug for us and tell him we found his stash of candy on top of the refrigerator"

"God, thank you for the insane amount of love Daddy gave us"

"God, please heal the hearts of everyone who was at Dad's heaven party; this is a global hurt"

"God, I feel like You have the candle and You're holding it in another room. We can't see any light. Help us to trust You because all we see is darkness"

"God, please spoil Daddy up there in heaven, because he deserves it"

Joy's Dance Party

 Joy came to me with a big smile on her face, carrying a small keyboard given to us by a friend.  "This song makes me think of Daddy. He would always pretend like he was playing it. Daddy was so funny. " She pressed the button and started to dance. That's it. That's the post. That's the praise report. Y'all keep praying, God hears. 

This Sweet Baby

One of the ways that God has answered prayers for Supernatural comfort, has been with this sweet baby..number 7, Amira. Shortly after everything happened, she seemed to become a big girl overnight.  In the first couple of weeks during our nighttime meltdowns, she would rub our backs and say "It's okay" or "I know, I know" in her endearing little voice.  We knew she didn't understand exactly what was happening, but that God was using her to be a light.  The morning that he went into the hospital, it was like every other morning. Amira woke up and gave me and her Dad a fist bump. As a pandemic baby, this was her normal greeting, and it always brought a big smile to his face. Up until then, hearing "mama " was a rarity. She would wake up and go to sleep with a chorus of "Da-da”.

Shortly after Christmas, a very close family friend came see us before she flew back overseas. The previous time she visited it was a hard day.  But on this day at this moment, I was feeling peace and joy as I reminisced about some of our family's amazing adventures. We’d had so many people at the house, but I never felt compelled to ask anyone to pray for us, but on this day I did. Truthfully, even now prayer is touchy. Some nights the baby would wake up and ask for Daddy and then say to me "Mama, pray." Those nights were hard.  As we formed a circle, Baby Amira was excited to join, and grabbed hands with her siblings.  As our friend began to pray, she was completely overwhelmed with tears and became silent.  When she had no words, Amira chimed in with her baby language at the perfect time, with her eyes shut and ended with “May-man”. (Amen) We all looked up and knew that the Holy Spirit was truly in the midst.

Amira now greets every visitor with hugs, calls each sibling by name and has perfected her imitating skills. She loves to laugh, play outdoors, rap, and has an early obsession with shoes and beef jerky. The mornings have been almost too much to bear, but when she wakes up and says, “good morning mommy”, I have no choice but to thank God for placing a little angel by my bedside.