How we #KeepItMoving: Summertime Edition

    The only reason I have any recollection of last summer is because of all the photos that pop up on my phone to remind me. But I can't believe it's summer...again. I don't want it to be summer again. I need time to freeze and rewind to Winter 2021, so I can bring Pat back. Over the past few weeks, people have asked how I'm able to juggle being a solo mom of seven and have asked how they can help. One of the things that I usually tell people is that "we do all the things." 

    Since our loss, we rarely stay in the house. It's crucial that we have things to look forward to. But at the same time, I make sure to schedule blocks of time where we have nothing planned so that we can just process and exist without obligation. Both of these things have been extremely helpful on our grief journey. Because I know that if I stay in the house too long, I'll melt into a puddle of tears; unproductive and unable to move. But I also know that too much busyness overwhelms me and adds to my anxiety. So, it's a delicate balance. This is how I learned that it's costly to grieve with kids. 

    When Patrick was here, we spent hours doing life with each other. We would limit our commitments to make sure we had time to enjoy one another and grow in God as a family. Just being together doing everyday things was an adventure.  We were very cautious not to get our kids involved in too many activities, as we were already a big family in ministry: That alone, kept us on the go.  But now...we do all the sports & all the activities. This is why I'm grateful for all the blessings and help that comes our way. I'm grateful that in Florida we have access to many free and low-cost activities and ways to enjoy nature. Beautiful distractions, including lots of #friendtherapy help us get through the days. So, this is what our summer looks like.  It's imperative that we #keepitmoving.  If you know someone who has grieving kids, please share this list with them.

"How's Therapy Going?"

    I snapped this picture below of Benjamin today at our family therapy session.  The counseling office was so comfy that both my babies went to sleep right there on the sofa. My four and two-year-old had been up in the wee hours of the morning; they couldn't sleep.  They were triggered and afraid.  So that meant Momma didn't get much sleep either.  We used to share a room with Pat, and they can feel the gaping space. Although it’s been 17 months since we lost him, they still just want their daddy back. They want their world whole again. 

    About a week ago, I posted a video on Instagram that went viral. Before this, I thought that viral meant about 10k views. This particular video, that was uploaded from my ring camera, now has over 426,000 views! I started not to post it, because it was jarring to even me when I watched it back. It was one of my most unguarded, vulnerable moments of grief.  But it blessed many.  The messages of solidary and empathy poured in by he thousands.  But several people asked, "are you in counseling?"

 

    In May of 2020, Patrick and I were looking forward to walking across the stage of Luther Rice College & Seminary to receive our well-earned master's degrees in biblical counseling.  But the pandemic had other plans, so the ceremony was cancelled. But we still had a socially distanced celebration in our caps and gowns.  Yet another crazy milestone in the adventures of Pat N' Keisha.  Over the years, we had been honored to counsel dozens of beautiful, strong, faithful servants during our time together in ministry. In addition, one of the very last projects that Patrick was working on before he went into the hospital, was a mental health initiative at his job.  He not only helped get paid prayer/mediation time approved, but he oversaw the implementation of a mental wellness room on the work site.  

   As a lifelong proponent of mental health, I’ve seen a therapist on several occasions as an adult.  I realize that although I'm a strong person, part of my strength is knowing when to tag in help. Over the past decade, Patrick and I both have gained coping techniques and been provided a safe place to vent with the help of licensed mental health counselors.  But therapists are not magicians. Therapists are not God. The hard, ugly and awful doesn’t go away because you make an appointment, sit on a cozy couch, and pour out your heart.  A counselor cannot solve your problems, break your habits, right your wrongs, or in our case…being our person back.

    Has counseling been helpful? Yes, it helps take the edge off and I wouldn't want to walk this journey without having trusted, equipped counselors in our village.  Since the week after Patrick's Heaven Party, we've been under the care of Christian Therapists.  But some Things you can’t walk around; you can only walk through. What I share here, is what walking through looks like.

If April Showers Bring May Flowers...I'll Take 'Em

    April was an interesting month. It seemed to fly by, but it definitely made sure to leave a lasting impression.  There were some absolutely beautiful, proud moments; and for those we thank God.  However, there were some experiences that made our grief ultra heavy this past month. All in all, we made it.

    The end of April marked the close of our first ever Homeschool Co-Op School year.  We have homeschooled the kids since 2012 when Kendall was a Kindergartener.  Now she is a rising Sophomore in High School.  It was truly a joy to unite with other families with homeschoolers of all ages who loved Jesus and were excited to learn.  It was honestly also cool to see that parenting/homeschooling can have crazy unpredictable times as well.  The kids were elated to get up every Tuesday and go learn, laugh, and lunch with their peers. It's truly been one of the highlights of the past year.  

    The kids have truly enjoyed Wednesday Night worship at our local church.  Having a routine whenever possible is so crucial.  Of all the kids, I think Benji enjoys his time best.  He loves craft time, making friends, and learning new worship songs. Unfortunately, the church takes a break from May-August for their Wednesday programming, so I'll have to look into alternatives to keep the kids looking forward to some midweek fun.  I got a special call from the Kid's Pastor that truly uplifted me and encouraged me to "keep on bringin' 'em."

    Five of the kids got to start back karate at the homeschool resource center.  Benjamin had patiently waited until he was four years old to join the clan. They had a blast! Not only did they learn, grow, and have some excellent guidance from Mr. Jon, every single one of them ended the semester with a promotion! Elijah & Christian are now Blue Belts, Avielle & Joy are now green belts, and Benji is officially a yellow belt! I still say that involving them in karate has been one of my best decisions after our loss. 

    Our second Easter was dreadful, to be completely honest.  There was no way I could have saw it coming.  Something about the color-coordinated families, Jesus being raised from the dead, etc... just didn't feel like a celebration. I'm so thankful for friends and family who stepped in to take the kids to do all of the traditional things this year to keep their minds occupied, because I was a broken mess. Because although Jesus was raised from the dead, He also died. And that was where we were stuck for the moment.  

    We continued our second round of birthdays, Joy's on the 15th and my sister's on the 19th.  The kids and I definitely felt it. Even the older boys, I noticed because quite somber.  Some of the kids became really overactive.  As we anticipated celebrating yet another birthday without Patrick.  We had a last-minute gathering with family and a few close friends. One of my boys said, "I'm sorry I just don't feel like celebrating." I assured him and replied, "I think celebrating is a strong word. Today, we are commemorating, the day that this beautiful little tiebreaker, came into our lives."

    Play dates with friends, meetings with their mentors, fun class projects, birthday parties, spring basketball camp, meeting our new eye doctor, our first yard sale and volunteering at the food bank filled our calendars with beautiful things for April. We count all of the wins, great and small.  But to close out the month, we took the five younger kids to the Memorial Gardens for the first time, to officially see Patrick's "ornament." I'll have to post about that at another time, I'm still processing it.