Patrick's Book: A Living Work

As you can see in the photo below, I can't bring myself to delete the calendar reminders. "Write morning men of God."  I was always that person for Patrick. He was the visionary, and I was the implementer. He was so zealous and creative, always thinking of ways to improve things and help people. I’d take one of his ideas and go full force in researching and planning.  One of our friends recently texted saying, “He always told me that you were the driving force, he was just holding the wheel.”  

It all started when Pat would send out encouraging texts to the brothers a couple years ago. When I saw all the love that was pouring in from men who had been impacted by his timely texts, I later encouraged him to turn them into a book. He said, “Yeah, okay that'd be cool” and kind of tucked in the back of his mind.   One of the many admirable things about Patrick was his humility. He never felt like, “I’m a big deal” or “The world needs to hear what I have to say.” He was just sharing what God had placed on his heart to encourage the men in his life. Until one day someone asked him "What's the name of that book you're sending the devotions from?" 

Once he finally realized that a book would be a good idea, if for nothing more than to share with the men in his circle, we reached out to a publishing company.  It seemed like nothing would work out with scheduling the initial consultation and every week there seemed a new person assigned to his project.  My discernment bells started to go off and some things seemed shifty.  A few weeks later, as I was being interviewed by an author for her upcoming book on homeschooling moms, I asked her about the credibility of the publishing company we were looking into.  She replied simply, "No." 

So, Patrick went back to the prayer closet and was reminded that a beautiful friend in ministry had a boutique publishing house.  He came to me and said, " Lost Poet Press is supposed to publish my book!" So, when he said that I replied, "Well call them then!" When God told Patrick something, I was surely not going to get in the way.  In November 2021, I remember fiercely reminding him “Don’t forget to email the editor!”  Shortly after his passing, I reached out to our editor and friend and said, "We have to do this, for him." She wholeheartedly agreed.  You can read both of our tributes in the Foreword and the Afterword of the devotional titled, "Good Morning, Men of God."  When it was finally released, I was simply grateful that his work and his vision was brought to life. There were so many talented individuals in place to help to take a simple word document and make it a living work.

I haven't read it in its entirety yet, but I've been honored to receive photos and words of encouragement from those who've ordered and started reading their copies!

Both the Kindle E-book and Paperback are available on Amazon. 

Pouring Passionately : Father & Sons

I have often thought about the conversations that Patrick and I had about the children, so many of them. The ones that have particularly stood out to me as of late, are the ones where he would say to me "Sometimes, you're not going to understand what or why when I'm dealing with our sons and that's okay. Some of these are men to men things."  Most of the time, I bowed out.  Although sometimes I wanted to interject, I knew his heart and that I didn't know what it was like to be a father, or a son."

I took notice very early on after our loss at how mature our boys were. They stepped up, big time. I realized that although I was devastated, and still am, that they don't have Patrick here for guidance, he truly did an excellent job of pouring into them and training them to be young men of God.  There are lingering lessons that he taught and ways that he modeled for them that were beyond their years. He laid a rich foundation. When I see them walking out their faith and displaying godly and chivalrous virtues, it makes this seem somewhat bearable. I also recognize the gift of God in giving us such full, intense, lively years of intentional parenting together.  

Patrick was always down for an adventure. I'd research something, plan it and say, "alright Babe, today you guys are doing xyz." He never complained, he just grabbed the kids and set off while I stood by capturing all of the moments in pictures.  I can't remember what research led me to this devotional, "Called to Greatness" but when I did Patrick fell in love with it.  Night after night, he sat down with the boys and had time of devotion.  He taught them about faith, fellowship and family.  It was such a good time of study and enlightenment; they went through it twice and even gifted it to a few other families.  It's things like this that I hold dear, the images of my husband "breaking bread" as he called it with his sons. Making this load for me, today, a little lighter. Even in his absence, he's still a giver.

Here it goes, I'm starting

 Today is the day I'm starting. This won't be pretty, or witty but it will be raw and authentic. A while ago, the kids wanted to start a vlog or a youtube channel. And although we agreed that our family has a pretty interesting life, we wanted to live it instead of film it.  However, Patrick would always joke that mid filming I'd yell some outrageous threat at the kids, and we'd have to cut and start over. He was right.  Serving with Seven was his idea for a title, so this is our attempt.  Due to the outpouring of love, support, and prayers going up on our behalf, I felt that a blog may be a more efficient way of updating all of the beautiful people who think of us.  

I will try my best to update as often as I can, but it may or may not go in order.  Please feel free to share this link and thanks in advance for praying.

Yesterday, we had check ups for Avielle and Benjamin.  I woke up that morning feeling as “Struggly” as I did going to sleep the night before.  I try to make it a point to get out of the house by 10:30am for my mental health . So I got up, got everyone out of the house and headed to the doctor. When we got in the car, we cued up “Keys for Kids” our devotional.  We’ve done our very best to keep doing the things that we usually do including devotional, and nightly prayer, in spite of the fact that we are truly just….devastated.  We put on the devotional, and it was about how it feels when someone pays your debt, or takes your punishment. Specifically, in the event of Jesus Christ taking on our sins. It was a good one.  We pulled up to the doctor in record time. Usually when we would go to the doctor, we would all go in as a group no matter who was being seen.  To pass the time and to prepare for possible vaccinations, we would sing worship songs.  The staff had gotten used to it, and would sometimes stand and listen at the door and wait for us to finish before coming in.  After everything happened, we just didn’t have it in us. As I pulled up to the doctor, I looked back at the kids and said “I need you all to come in with me, I feel like we need to sing.” Max specifically looked at me like “No, not gonna do that.” I then told them, “I don’t want to do it either, I just feel like we have to. We must be who we are called to be. We have to minister to the people in the doctor’s office.” This was the Holy Spirit, nothing in me wants to sing songs. They all sound very different without Patrick, to be very honest. (Another Blog for another day)

Once we got there, I had already determined that I was going to forgo any shots because my heart was already hurting, and I couldn’t take any more crying babies. Medical things have been extremely touchy with me/us as of late.    After everyone got their vitals checked, I asked the kids to sing with me.  Again, most of them were reluctant. The tears started to flow as I explained to them, that I didn’t want to do it, but I felt that we needed to.  So Avielle chose to start singing “Your promise still stands, great is your faithfulness….” (Elevation Worship , Do it Again) I began to weep.  I sang that song to Patrick in the hospital, and God did not “Move the Mountain” as I pleaded.  All of the other kids joined in, Max being the loudest.  I joined when I could, and then cried some more.  I knew God was faithful, even though I was angry, shocked and sad.  After we sang, I felt God’s comfort and peace.  We got shots and labs drawn, with little tears.  The doctor came in and she’s been seeing us for 7 years, so I feel very comfortable and safe with her.  I let her know that it had been a rough morning, but that God was gracious. 

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