Therapy: 9 Month Update

Today it's been nine months since our loss.  When I woke up it was dreary outside, and I already knew what I was up against. But the boys had back-to-back basketball games, so I knew that we had to get up and out.  I was fussing, the house was a mess, but we had to go.  We got to the Y and met a sister who was taking the girls on a breakfast date, and of course my sister showed up with smiles & snacks to cheer on her nephews. After the game, we had small meltdown but got in the car to head home to clean and prepare to do some kind of activity to look forward to. That's been a staple and truly a lifeline for us. However, it started storming. So here I am, blogging with a sleeping baby girl in my arms. 

Someone asked me how things were going with counseling and as I've said before, "No one has come out of an office telling us that this was all a dream, and we can wake up now. So, I guess it's going just okay." The truth is, in one twenty-four-hour period, my kids had kid's grief support group, a one-on-one therapy session, karate, and still came home had a full-blown meltdown; which caused a domino effect.  I grabbed the kids, put them in the car and drove to the nearest safe-house. Our friends asked no questions, took the kids in, shared their grandparents, gave hugs, baked cookies, and I picked them back up and we went home for prayer and bed. Sometimes, that's how our day looks.  Here is an overall glimpse at the grief supports we have in place.

Counseling

At the moment, all of us are receiving counseling on a weekly or biweekly basis with the exception of Christian and Kendall.  Elijah sees a new male therapist who has had some similar experiences and is doing well.  My sister and I are with the same group of Christian therapists we've seen since December, specifically Catrina.  I have even had the opportunity to bring in some friends into a session as we all cried and attempted to process this craziness. Avielle, Joy, Benjamin and Amira enjoy their time in play/art therapy with Katherine. She is very in tuned with our family, our story, and has been a great support to us all.  The office is so welcoming and comfortable.  The older kids who are waiting are able to do schoolwork in the lobby, and her office is spacious and  has a hammock that all of the kids love.   

Grief Group

Thankfully, Suncoast Kids started back up and we missed the leaders and some of our friends from the last session. Sadly, seeing all of those new faces who had recently gone through similar losses sent a few of us home with aching hearts.  No one wants to be here, in this space.  Max said it best, "I hated to see them because I knew that they didn't know that it was getting ready to hurt a lot worse. " But each of us agreed, that we would make it a point to be someone for the new families to lean on. 

ExtraCurriculars

The kids are still involved in karate, basketball, sports discovery, boxing fitness, and piano.  Recently we joined a homeschool co-op where the kids take three subjects with their peers and that's been an excellent source of support, fellowship, and accountability for all of us. 

Children/Youth Ministry

One of the things that I'm most grateful for, is the Children/Youth Programming at our local church.  When this happened to us, I would have not been surprised if the kids wanted to take a step back from faith related activities. But they did not; they leaned in.  They love seeing friends, hearing the stories, studying the bible and playing games.  Although, sometimes they have come home with more questions or stories about how they were trigged by Jesus healing someone in the bible and not their dad. I get it.  But I'm glad that they keep talking and keep leaning on God. He's the only one who can fix this. 

One-on-Ones

One of my favorites has been One-on-ones. I got a chance to get with my sister and just enjoy coffee at the local cafe.  Just seeing her face, and giving her hugs is so very helpful for us both.  In addition to that, she and my brother-in-law have taken some of the kids off just for solo time. It's something that I wish I could do more, but it's complicated. I've had friends come to take the kiddos for lunch, shopping, fishing, breakfast, golf, etc.  Having my family, and our faith family come through to treat our kids to some special solo time has been one of the most effective helps during this season. 

Friend Therapy

I zoomed a friend and cried. That was the whole call.

My kids walked into their friends' houses and got hugs from them, their parents, and even grandparents. I picked them up with smiles on their faces. Elijah sent me an email while he was there saying "I'm sorry I was acting out." I replied, "I'm sorry that you even have to go through this." 

Friends send me scripture and prayers, and check-in throughout the day to make sure we don't feel alone. 

One of the most effective types of therapy has been "Friend therapy." Seeing our friends, our people, who love us and loved Patrick well-is the most beneficial of all things.