Not a single day goes by without at least half a dozen people checking on us. My personality thrives on finding solutions and having answers. But when asked this simple yet unanswerable question, I freeze. One answer that I cannot foresee giving is, "We're fine."
So, I've compiled a few raw answers I've given to friends who checked on us this past week:"
70% of the time, we're okay. Functioning, sharing stories and laughs, looking at pictures and embracing all the things that our family stands for. That's due to the prayers of our people, petitioning God for his grace and supernatural comfort. But that 30%, is a "dark thirty." I can't deny God's grace.
This week started some sleep struggles that we haven't had before. It's been a busy week and I'm worn out.
- Sunday-GriefShare
- Monday-Bible yoga
- Tuesday-Piano, PE
- *Several Breakdowns*
- Wed-PE , Family Grief activities
- Thurs-Ben & Joy Play Therapy, Kids Grief Group
- Fri-My Therapy , Martial Arts, YMCA
"God took my husband away from me. My partner and best friend. I prayed and said, "God, Patrick and I need relief help us to get from under all our obligations so we can regroup and reorganize and continue to serve you." And He answered with this. I cried out for help and this was His answer. I am heartbroken. I have some beautiful stories of His comfort I can't ignore that. But I'm so so so upset that I even need His comfort in this way. I feel punished. And although I know that's not God's nature, it sure feels like it. So either God is going to give me strength, clarity and guidance to raise these kids alone or rapture is coming. At this point, I don't feel ready for either.
"It's been a week. But in good news the counselor that I saw in December, I saw her again and it was the first time that I felt refreshed."
*Pictured below, the start of our trail mix of feelings-family activity*
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