Big Hugs. Big Laughs. Big Voice. Big Love. The space that he filled is...expansive. So please, when you see us, talk about our person. It's okay. Tell us about the gaffes, the memories, the things you miss about him. Share pictures of fun times of you and him had together. It doesn't have to be forced, but when you are able to share, please do. I can only imagine how tough it is just mustering the courage and the strength to reach out to talk, check in, or hang out with us. It's awkward. You love us, and don't want to make us sad. You don't want to trigger us. You don't want to cue a meltdown. You don't want to meltdown, yourself! Unfortunately, the gaping hole in our lives right now is unavoidable from the moment we wake, to the moment we finally drift off to sleep. One of the ways that we are making it through, is by continuing to regularly tell our family jokes and stories. We talk about Patrick all the time. We can't help it, and we don't want to.
Although most words, platitudes and phrases of comfort bounce right off of me, there are two things that stuck with me, early on. First, having a bunch of still, framed photos is really unhelpful. It feels cold, harsh, and final. It was never our norm. So, I bought a digital photo frame and loaded it with some of our favorite pictures. I add to it daily, because the legacy is a living thing. So, we have to live with it and through it, I guess. He is woven into the fabric of each of our stories and I see him every day in the faces and personalities of these children. They have his sense of humor, compassion, wit, and eyebrows for sure!
Next, I had to come to terms with the fact that yes, the December 10th 2021 chapter of Patrick's life SUCKED, but there are so many more chapters that were beautiful and good. Some chapters were hard and tough, but all of them are a part of his story; a great story. So I had to force myself to visit all of the spaces, places, times, and travels. They all happened. They all matter. They are all real. And despite the ending, the book of his life is definitely worth the read.
Back in February, a kind friend brought Avielle a Memory Book for her birthday. When it was given to her, we all had a shared perplexed reaction, due to the fresh and unrelenting shock of our reality. "What is this?" Why do we need a memory book? This does not apply to us." A couple months later after a hard, hard night of grief, Avielle picked up the book and begin to read & write in it. She showed me a question that asked her to name one thing that she feared. She told me, "Mom, one thing I'm afraid of is that I'll forget Daddy and I never want to do that." Then she snuggled up in his jersey and went to sleep.
*We would love to keep a collection of stories and memories for our family all in one place. If you have something to share, now or in the future, please email to : pwheelslegacy@gmail.com*
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🙏❤️
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