The Bittersweet-ness of Wins: Surviving Birthday #2

Yesterday, we survived another birthday and major holiday inside our new reality. The entire day, I was completely off. I felt like I was moving in slow motion... Like my feet were stuck.  My aunt texted to check on us that morning and I remember replying "Today hurts."  In spite of how I was feeling, I was happy to see that Joy was excited about celebrating her day. There were some beautiful moments on yesterday and I counted the many blessings.  It's because of those blessings and the obedience of God‘s people that we were able to persist and ultimately sustain the blows that came after the celebration.

So here's the sweet:

• Some good friends in ministry hosted and served us for a special birthday breakfast in Joy's honor. It was humbling and a great start to the day. We all felt so loved. 
• My Sister showed up with hugs and decorations in tow to make Joy's Day Special
• Another friend found a space in her day to have coffee in the car with me & catch up
• Some of our favorite family came into town and we shared laughs, hugs, and celebrated Joy
• Kind friends stopped by, called, emailed and video-messaged birthday wishes and sent awesome gifts for Joy
• Awesome friends stopped by and prepared a homemade taco bar for our family to enjoy for Joy's Special Birthday Dinner & hung a cool tree swing that the kids can't wait to use

Here's the bitter:

After all of the beautiful things that happened yesterday, and we experienced gobs of God's grace, my birthday girl  screamed and cried herself to sleep. She wanted her Daddy. Even the good things remind us that something, someone is missing.  My fourth child had a raw, gut-wrenching hour of grief with a hurt in her heart that I couldn't soothe. Questions that I couldn't answer.  My third child struggled to find enough peace to even fall asleep. Thankfully, God sent a song and a scripture for me to share. It didn't take away their pain, nor mine. But,  I did what I knew to do.   My baby boy sat through wailing from his sisters which in turn caused him to toss and turn in his sleep in addition to the night terrors he's been having.  The baby would cry when l put her down and wanted to sleep in my arms.  Thankfully the other kiddos were able to get some rest after all of the chaos, but  I wonder what enduring something like that does to their little hearts..  I have no doubt that they have the supernatural favor of God on their lives and that he will bring them through this and somehow use it for his glory but this utterly sucks. My constant prayer for them is "God, preserve and prosper their faith. You're the only One who can."

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